Deciding to come to counselling in “normal” times can sometimes inspire apprehension and maybe even some fear. It can be a big step for someone to choose to see a counsellor and meet them in person to talk about what’s bothering them. As a result, making this choice and taking action requires courage. When you add in the “new” idea of seeing a counsellor online it may feel like an extra step, a little more intimidating, and something that might feel like it could be too much to consider. But due to the pandemic, online counselling, or tele-health, is becoming something of a “new normal.”

New Challenges

Dealing with the “new normal” of online counselling can feel like a new challenge that feels overwhelming for someone who already is having multiple challenges. During the pandemic, many clinicians in private practice and in agencies are no longer seeing clients in person. Of course, it depends on what part of the country you are in, or even your region. In my city, many agencies are operating on a phone or video-conferencing model – called tele-health. A few colleagues at local agencies have told me that some clients who used to come for counselling in person are hesitant to continue counselling by phone or video-conferencing. Some are choosing to forgo counselling support until things get back to “normal.” Even though they may have benefitted from counselling, the change to an online platform is feeling a bit too much. This is a trying circumstance for someone already experiencing multiple challenges in their lives.

So it is understandable that if clients already in counselling are having trouble adjusting to online, people new to counselling might find it difficult to start. I think it’s important to acknowledge how hard change is when you are dealing with many challenging issues. By seeing how this shift challenges you, you can perhaps allow yourself to note how this significant change is causing discomfort. And then maybe you can allow yourself to accept the difference.

The following are a few tips on how to manage the fear of seeing a counsellor in the “new normal” of online counselling.

1. (Try to) Accept the Difference

Accepting the difference between in-person and online counselling is part of adjusting. Before, calling a counsellor you’ve never met before to ask if they could see you had its own fears: there was the question of whether this “stranger” could help you, having to answer quick questions on the phone that couldn’t possibly describe the challenges you are facing, and then there was coming to a new office and sitting down with this person and hoping they could help you. Once in person, there was sitting with them in an office and wondering how you can put into words what is bothering you. Yes, it was scary, but you had courage and you did it. There was some comfort that once you were in the room together, you could get a “sense” of whether or not you liked the counsellor and if you found they were someone who helped put your mind at ease.

Now, there’s booking almost everything online and there may or may not even be that first phone call (You can ask for one, though, and counsellors sometimes will give a short 10 minute consultation). So before you’ve even talked to the counsellor, there’s already been a lot of computer work for a supportive health service that is supposed to be a “human” and personal experience. While it can feel daunting to see a counsellor online, if you can try to accept that it’s going to be a little different, it can help take the pressure off as you practice trying something new even if it doesn’t feel ideal right now.

2. Manage Your Expectations

Meeting your counsellor in person has a supportive and connected feel to it, as clients discuss what is most personal and troubling to them. The relationship that a counsellor and client build together is the foundation on which the client can feel safe and supported to take actions in order to feel better. One of the potential drawbacks of online counselling is the fear that it can inhibit the building of relationship because of the separation due to the computer screens. It can take what was already scary for a client – to talk about personal issues with a counsellor – and make it doubly scary.

But it is not impossible. While online counselling looks very different, for both counsellor and client, it is something that can be worked with. In fact, research has shown that the online relationship between client and counsellor can be just as high as for in-person treatment and that clients can benefit as much whether in-person or online.[1] If you can to come from the perspective of managing your expectations as you try something new, you can just breathe and allow yourself to slow down.

Another approach that can help is to address the “elephant in the room” – the actual physical barrier of the computers that can make opening up to a counsellor more challenging. Seeking support doesn’t have to be daunting and fraught. It can be made easier if both counsellor and client acknowledge that things are not what we hope for – to have in-person sessions – and accept that we can try to adjust when there are no other alternatives just yet.

3. (Remember) We’re in This Together

It is to be expected that sometimes there will be technical glitches. It is a fact of working with technology. And while many counsellors are not necessarily tech-savvy, many are learning and using the platforms available, with everyone trying their best to create as warm, inviting, and useful an experience as they can with the limits we have.

The important thing to remember is that we are all learning in this time: clients, counsellors and agencies trying to support people seeking their services. If you have a hesitation in seeing a counsellor online, it’s understandable. It makes sense to want that in-person connection. But maybe it is something that you can give a try? After all, you might find that after a few sessions, you’ll start to feel more comfortable. And while it may not be the same as being in person with a counsellor, it can be a good alternative. You might find being online with a counsellor to be a satisfying and helpful experience. After all, in this “new normal” we are all learning to adjust to new ways of being and new ways of accessing products and services. Online counselling is just another new way – and who knows, it just might help to remember all of us are in this together.

[1] Simpson, S. J. & Reid, C. L. (2014). Therapeutic alliance in videoconferencing psychotherapy: A review. The Australian journal of rural health, Vol. 22, 280-99, DOI: 10.1111/ajr.12149

Disclaimer: The blog on this site is for information only. It is not therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. It is meant to be helpful and provide other perspectives. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local emergency number or your local crisis line listed on your government’s mental health services pages.