Betrayal Trauma: The phrase “betrayal trauma” can be used to refer to a kind of trauma independent of the reaction to the trauma. From Freyd (2008): Betrayal trauma occurs when the people or institutions on which a person depends for survival significantly violate that person’ s trust or well-being: Childhood physical, emotional, or sexual abuse perpetrated by a caregiver are examples of betrayal trauma.

Betrayal trauma is not spoken of much in our society although the effects of it remain. We might think of betrayal trauma as an event that occurs that is obvious, like someone cheating on their spouse in an otherwise agreed-upon monogamous relationship. Other significant betrayals not often mentioned but perhaps equally impactful as sexual betrayals are financial, one partner making money decisions without the knowledge or agreement of their spouse, jeopardizing their financial security. Job-related betrayal could be having one’s ideas taken by a colleague or boss and used as their property, for the purpose of their own benefit.

Betrayal Trauma Theory: From Sivers, Schooler, & Freyd (2002): A theory that predicts that the degree to which a negative event represents a betrayal by a trusted needed other will influence the way in which that events is processed and remembered.

Betrayal trauma fits on a spectrum as many adverse experiences do. Some create deeper pain than others, depending on the level of investment in the relationship or the risk involved. For example, a spouse using up funds recklessly might result in financial ruin if the spouse and family are fully dependent on them. However, if the other spouse has a solid career, they are less at risk, although they still have the right to be angry and even leave. But their trauma is likely experienced as less than a person who was the stay-at-home parent and who has no other career, thus, is fully dependent. The costs and risk impact the level of betrayal experienced as not only what they believed to be true has been proven false, but also the reality of having to adapt their role, a role in which they thought they were part of a team for the benefit of the family unit, has been changed because now there are new concerns that must be dealt with, not the least of which is figuring out how to extricate oneself from the situation as well as find other solutions.

Other betrayal traumas include sexual violence by a partner. While stranger rape can be debilitating as it is a Criterion A trauma in the DMS-5, one can know as one heals that there was nothing personal in the assault even as it was terrible and devastating. Sexual violence from a romantic partner has dual trauma, the violence from the assault as well as the interpersonal betrayal, a betrayal that occurred within the context of a relationship with a person who was supposed to care. The survivor is left with the dichotomy of having someone who they loved and who they thought loved them betray them with violence. The duality of recovery is at the heart of betrayal trauma.

When someone has experienced betrayal trauma, it is often within a context with many layers, often leading a person to feel isolated and alone, with no one understanding the depth of the hurt. Being able to name an experience as “betrayal” can be helpful for a person to process through the disappointment and sadness of a relationship turning sour or ending altogether. After all, we are social beings, thriving within healthy relationships. We need healthy relationships in order to heal.

Part of my work as a therapist is to help a person process their pain from relationships which sometimes includes a kind of betrayal. I use a relational approach in my work with clients because I believe that it is in relationship that we can find healing.

As Judith Herman, author of Trauma and Recovery, “Recovery can take place only within the context of relationships; it cannot occur in isolation.” Sometimes it can help to explore your thoughts about your relationship(s). If you wonder about potential for betrayal trauma, it can help to talk to a counsellor.

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American Psychiatric Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth ed. Alexandria, VA: American Psychiatric Association.

Freyd, J.J. (2020). What is a Betrayal Trauma? What is Betrayal Trauma Theory? Retrieved [today’s date] from http://pages.uoregon.edu/dynamic/jjf/defineBT.html.