Coming to a counsellor for the first time can be a nerve-wracking experience. TV and movies often show counselling sessions at their most dramatic and are not always accurate in their portrayals.

As a counsellor, I assume that you would like to try counselling because you want help with some part of your life – whether with a relationship, or stress, or any number of issues you might be dealing with. Simply put, I expect you want to come to a counsellor because you want to feel better in some way. You can expect that I will listen with compassion and help provide clarity on the problems you are facing. Read more about me here.

On a practical level, at the first session, I will talk about confidentiality and we will discuss what that means in terms of our work together. I will ask about your life, work, and relationships to get a sense of how your life is on a day-to-day basis. The main intention for these questions is to uncover what you are hoping to get out of our work together. Sometimes people attend counselling for a few sessions because they want help making a decision or working on something specific (what I would call "counselling").  Sometimes people want to work on other issues, such as struggles with depression, anxiety or dealing with life transitions, concerns that might take a little longer to uncover and explore (what I would call "psychotherapy"). It is an ongoing process and you are very much a part of the plan for our work together, helping me figure out how to help you most effectively. Working with me is best described as a collaborative process. Read more about my approach here.

Book a free consultation to see if I am a fit for your counselling needs.

Sometimes clients are hesitant to ask this question but I think it’s one of the most important questions to ask any therapist you work with.  I firmly believe that a therapist of skill and expertise has been in therapy. After all, how can I practice as a therapist believing in the importance of this type of personal work without having engaged in it myself?

I have been to therapy at different points in my life, working as a client with different therapists and counsellors. I can tell you that having worked with a variety of them, not all are the right fit. My deepest work has been over the span of years working with a Jungian analyst. I believe it is important to feel comfortable with your therapist so that you feel you can bring up issues with them. Read about me here.

Working with clients on personal issues is delicate work. A therapist who has been in therapy is more likely to have increased self-awareness, an important skill that informs their work with clients. Therapists who have done their own therapeutic work often have increased empathy as they understand the level of courage it takes to sit in the "client chair." A therapist who has done her own introspective work in therapy has another layer of experience to offer clients, as the work helps her be more deeply attuned to the client so that the counselling process is appropriate and geared towards the client's benefit and well-being.

Contact me to book a free consultation to find out if I might be a good fit for you.

Anyone can come to counselling or pursue psychotherapy.

What I have discovered in my work as a counsellor is that people often choose to see a counsellor when they are at crossroads in their life. They may be in transition, such as children growing up and leaving the nest, or frustration with work or career, or dealing with relationship issues. Individuals come to counselling to talk about what's on their mind or to try to have some clarity about decisions. Sometimes people want to grapple with larger existential issues, for example, by exploring meaning and purpose in life.

My role as a counsellor is to help you figure out what it is you'd like for yourself, how you'd like to feel or be at the end of our work together, so that I can help you find the way there.

Book a free consultation to see if I might be the right fit for you.

Existentialism is more a philosophy than a technique. It’s how I approach working with people in my therapeutic practice. Irvin Yalom, an existential therapist, has a nice way of referring to the therapeutic relationship, referring to the therapist and client as “fellow travelers.” This idea underlines that we are all on a life journey, as we are all human and subject to the same basic issues of the human condition, what Yalom calls “the givens of life”: choice, anxiety, death, freedom, grief, isolation, and meaninglessness. While we each have our individual concerns, these issues are couched in the reality of being human.

I find that coming from this perspective is a way to humanize a person's issues, as it grounds the work I do with clients in an exploration of how their individual issues fit within the existential ones. I believe that seeing us as travelers on a journey helps place my relationship with clients on a more balanced footing. It can help to know that we all have the same basic concerns of humanity, just by existing. It's important to note that I utilize other approaches that compliment the existentialist perspective, most notably coming from a relational perspective (also referred to as Interpersonal Process Approach). Read more about my approach here.

Book a free consultation to see if I am a fit for your counselling needs.

I have a master of arts degree from the University of Victoria in Counselling Psychology. This program is one of few that specialize in trauma training. While not every client has experienced trauma, having a counsellor with trauma training is beneficial as it provides a foundation for working with clients in an ethical way, so we can work together in a way that feels emotionally safe and helps to create stability. I have experience working with adults, ages nineteen to seventies and beyond, who have struggled with depression, parenting challenges, PTSD, anxiety, family estrangement, sexual abuse, and domestic violence. You can read more about my clinical approach here.

Book a free consultation to see if I am a fit for your counselling needs.

Sorry to disappoint you before we even meet but I am not going to tell you what to do (save for very specific circumstances that have to do with your safety and the safety of others). This is one of the great myths about coming to a counsellor.

Counselling and psychotherapy are processes in which I help you figure out what is important for you in your life such as where you want to go and what you want to do. I help you uncover thoughts and feelings about yourself and what you want for your life, but ultimately the decisions are yours to make. This is where my existential perspective comes in the strongest: we are all on a life path, alone. Even though we may have other people in our lives who we count on and who count on us, we are all individuals dealing with existential isolation and personal freedom - as in we alone make the decisions for our lives and we have a certain freedom (within some limits) to exercise that freedom.

While it may sound great to imagine coming to a counsellor who will give us all the answers, the secret is actually this: I help you find your own answers.

Disappointing? Maybe.

But, truly, is it not secretly thrilling too?

Book a free consultation to see if I am a fit for your counselling needs.

I offer my services in-person in Victoria, BC and online or phone for individuals.

For IN-PERSON: I offer in-person appointments at my office in the heart of Oak Bay Village. For further information about the location and images of the office space, please check my Booking and Fees page.

For ONLINE: To ensure that online sessions meet strict ethical parameters of privacy and confidentiality, I utilize an encrypted video conferencing service. You do not need to download anything to your computer, only to click on the link I provide. A window will open in your browser connecting you to my virtual waiting room after we’ve booked an appointment time. I am able to process e-transfer (bank-to-bank) payments, so that financial transactions can be done electronically.

For PHONE: Phone is an option if a client prefers, or when there is inclement weather or other circumstances preventing a client from coming to a scheduled in-person appointment.

Book a free consulation to see if I might be a fit for your counselling needs.

Since online therapy sessions have a different “feel” than coming to an in-person session, here are a few tips to consider as you prepare for your session:

• Understand there might have some connection challenges. As much as technology helps us stay connected, it sometimes has issues. Experiment with different locations at your place to figure out the best reception location or try another web browser. It also helps that while we are online together that you do not have any other programs running or download games. If there are others in your house, it would be ideal if you alone use the wifi network if at all possible during the session to reduce the technology load (it's not essential as most bandwidths can handle multiple users; it's just something to consider so we have the least interference).
• If we are disconnected, we can try again. While technology is terrific and helps us have this possibility to work together online, it can sometimes fail us, no matter how hard we try. We must learn patience 🙂
• If we try again with video and it fails a second time, we may have to go to Plan B and have a session on the phone.
• I recommend wearing headphones if possible in order to reduce the feedback that sometimes can occur when using the computer microphone. It's also another added layer of privacy.
  
• Make sure you choose an area of your home with privacy. Choose a private room where others will not disturb you. This is for your own benefit, so that you can get the most out of our time together. As well, if you have children, make sure they are cared for by someone else so that you can focus on yourself in session.
• Give yourself a few minutes beforehand to get into a new headspace, as you would if coming for an in-person session, as if you’re in a waiting room. Make some tea or have a glass of water nearby if that helps to centre you.
• Give yourself time to decompress afterwards. Perhaps write a couple of notes or sit quietly or stretch before reengaging with your life.

Choosing a counsellor is a personal choice.

There are many factors in place, such as gender and/or age, how comfortable you feel talking to someone, and what kind of help you are looking for (which can be challenging to identify when you are feeling confused or upset). There’s also the issue of trauma. If there is trauma in your background, it may be preferable to choose a counsellor who has trauma training. It would be helpful that whomever you choose is able to work with you effectively and competently. Go here to learn more about me and here to learn more about my clinical approach.

Much of what it comes down to is level of fit between counsellor and client. The relationship between you and your counsellor is what is going to help.
Part of my approach is to discuss the relationship between us regularly so that we build transparency in our interactions together. This is something that typically does not happen in relationships, as we’re not always discussing what’s going on between us. I strive to keep this level of communication open so that we are not only talking about your concerns and issues, but we are also talking about how the process of talking about it with me works for you. This way we can talk about what’s working and what’s not so that I can better help you meet your goals in working together. Contact me for a free consultation to see if I might be a fit for you.

The following is an article from some years ago, but I like the humour and freshness of it, as you consider what is important in choosing the right counsellor for you:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/freudian-sip/201102/how-find-the-best-therapist-you

Book a free consultation to see if I am a fit for your counselling needs.